I'm Learning

To dangle from it limp, whenever it takes me.

Colliding Contradictions

I want to feel so much so fast so I feel nothing at all. How can something so wretched make me feel so good and so bad all at the same instant, tearing my heart and brain from east to west, up and down, and scrambling them up till I can't distinguish between the both. Till my brain is numb and my heart is overpoweringly feeling; sending signals like crazy to my limbs twisting me all ways into contorted shapes. How can something so wrong make me feel something so beautiful, make me feel something I want to cling onto forever, something I'd never want to forget yet fear to forget. Make me feel something I'm scared to lose, something I feel I need to let go but fall short of doing every time the chance arises. Make me feel. Feelin stuck in this state of mind. Dwelling in consistent fleeting glee that comes and goes too soon. Maybe I'm being too selfish with time, wanting too much and more, more, more, more with that wretchedness. These feelings take the wheel and they drive me crazy, and the craziness is so addictive. Why, why, why...how is it so addictive. I need it, I hate it. In my purpose of being, how can this craziness be my greatest and most forceful inspiration and motivation? Why do madness and the darkest of ambiguities hold hands in your absence while my world is perfectly in sync standing next to you? And the lights, the picturesque image glossy eyes gaze upon, dazzle me and now they're the connection to the shapeless mass of crazy feelings; so unforgettably you. I see the signal, the only resolution, the only choice cus it's the only option I blindly and all knowingly want. My dumb sensibility crushes the ounce of sense that remains in me. I'm done for in this wretchedness. Completely lost in it. I'm swimming freely like a big beautiful mess in the vast sea of senselessness. Help? I'm feeling too much and wanting too much of too much bad that brings me too much good too fast so that it feels like it's gone too soon. And it's really just completely and absolutely wretched...