Written for his 4 year old son who died from falling down a window. The Choirboys live, do this song justice.

I am spinning

out of control, ready to meet violence in the silhouette of night. I meet lies more often than I meet the truth, and if I wasn't almost so desensitized it would drive me insane. You wouldn't believe it but, lonesomeness doesn't surprise me unannounced anymore...I greet it with open arms and wrap myself around it.

Lets not forget to live.

My pregnant mind is filled with concepts big and small and everything sums up to a complicated mass too large for the the capacity of my head. Mainly I'm consumed with the potential beauty that makes up the erring and constant bits of my entirety. I'm really so caught up with how beautiful this could be, but let's not forget to live. Wake up and smell the coffee. Whether I'm in the louder part of town or not is irrelevant; life goes on without you and I'm leaving with it.

I'm drifting states of mind at full throttle. This consistent inconsistency has become so omnipresent, I can actually consider it normalcy. It's something like the journey of coming into herself, and coming out stronger sort of thing.

Screw it eff it love it hate it ate it regurgitate it and move on.

Screw it eff it love it hate it ate it regurgitate it and move on.

I'm Learning

To dangle from it limp, whenever it takes me.

Colliding Contradictions

I want to feel so much so fast so I feel nothing at all. How can something so wretched make me feel so good and so bad all at the same instant, tearing my heart and brain from east to west, up and down, and scrambling them up till I can't distinguish between the both. Till my brain is numb and my heart is overpoweringly feeling; sending signals like crazy to my limbs twisting me all ways into contorted shapes. How can something so wrong make me feel something so beautiful, make me feel something I want to cling onto forever, something I'd never want to forget yet fear to forget. Make me feel something I'm scared to lose, something I feel I need to let go but fall short of doing every time the chance arises. Make me feel. Feelin stuck in this state of mind. Dwelling in consistent fleeting glee that comes and goes too soon. Maybe I'm being too selfish with time, wanting too much and more, more, more, more with that wretchedness. These feelings take the wheel and they drive me crazy, and the craziness is so addictive. Why, why, why...how is it so addictive. I need it, I hate it. In my purpose of being, how can this craziness be my greatest and most forceful inspiration and motivation? Why do madness and the darkest of ambiguities hold hands in your absence while my world is perfectly in sync standing next to you? And the lights, the picturesque image glossy eyes gaze upon, dazzle me and now they're the connection to the shapeless mass of crazy feelings; so unforgettably you. I see the signal, the only resolution, the only choice cus it's the only option I blindly and all knowingly want. My dumb sensibility crushes the ounce of sense that remains in me. I'm done for in this wretchedness. Completely lost in it. I'm swimming freely like a big beautiful mess in the vast sea of senselessness. Help? I'm feeling too much and wanting too much of too much bad that brings me too much good too fast so that it feels like it's gone too soon. And it's really just completely and absolutely wretched...

Need Love

I love off love, I feed off love, I breathe off love, I think of love, I drink of love, I sink in love and in the middle of the night I need my love.

I'm All Tension.

I feel like my nerves are being stretched on a rack, thinner and thinner. Like all my energy is gravitating towards my chest, and in that center focus I feel it all.

Where My Happymess Lies.

We explode shards of radiant sparks that light up the velvet sky tonight. And try as I might, I can't ignore this gravitational pull.

Fill The Air.

Dreams swirling in my head, curl over my senses. They remind me of the need for answers burning in my eyes, but we shy away as if we're terrified of the electricity flashing between us. And I promise, there's a merry chaos in my head. It comes and goes like everything else. My head is weary and my limbs feel heavy. I'm strangling beneath this weight.

But anyway, what's the difference? Maybe it's just the heat pounding in my head.

I Am

*Searching for something clearly unreachable, with hopes of finding small significance along the way.

*Attempting to understand what’s really going on by observing, neither by telescope nor microscope, but by naked eye, the intimate details in the most mundane of life’s happenings.
*Attempting to describe the gist of the feeling of the tiniest modicum of The Great Universal Unutterable Joke we are all always not laughing at—except when we are.

I feel as if my skin is the only thing keeping me from going everywhere at once.

I want to scream and light up the sky.

Aimless Wandering With a Purpose

And though our hearts are slightly confused weary head, allow your wandering eyes to find you a way out
I want to place my bed on an endless sea of autumn leaves. I'll lie beneath an ancient tree whose limbs tell stories of people and a time that seizes to be. I'll watch the colorful leaves twirl as they flow and fall in abundance down from the sky, casting dancing sparkles on my body. They'll fall, fall and settle themselves on me. I'll gaze dazzled eyed, and watch images of wavering colors, sun, and sky. They'll see me, the girl, she beams.

I just wanna crawl under a rock and play dead for a while.

Her Morning Elegance

Insomnia

My thoughts are coming at me slower and nebulous. But there's this electricity of excitement clinging onto the morning mist. It's an intangible aura. A feel good current. And it was the dazzling sparks of lights that kept me running last night, but that's aside the point. I've just come to like the points of bright heat all over my body. And I'm so frail and indecisive and lost most of the time but my heart drums a complicated beat that never falters; that's a certainty I can never be scared of. Sometimes I can close my eyes and pretend that I'm an incredible force of nature, positively unstoppable. I'm just so guilty of investing so much time in conjuring up stories in my mind. There's a subtle uproar in my head but I'm physically so still. A picturesque image of a calm so serene, but really, it's just the lack of sleep.

If I had a boat I would sail it to the moon
Way up high I would float in a starry lagoon
And my submarine would search in every sea
For golden jellyfish who sting like honey bees

If I had a plane I would soar into a dream
I'd steal lovely visions of molecular collisions
Where nothing is what it seems

(And if I had you, I don't know what I'd do)
Oh, I believe I'm a fairy-tale
I fly all around the world and sometimes little ones believe in me

And I need something

I need some sort of modus operandi. I need someone to rescue me, to set me free. To take me places I ought to be.

Are we to paint what's on the face, what's inside the face, or what's behind it?

"What begins as an unguarded train of thoughts, slowly can become an addiction to the slumber of disconnection, and the resonance of memory that no longer has a shape, but keeps you numb through the hours till gone is another day"

human lives are so impossibly tangled.

How to Say I Love You